so two creepers walk into an internet cafe....

you know those nights? the ones where you are so scared to death (for whatever reason) that every creak and every bump positively convinces you that there is a ghost in your room or a mass murderer outside your window, causing your eyes to stayed squeezed shut as if your life depended on it, your heart to race sporadically, and your mind to come up with wild imaginations of every. worst. case. scenario.

i know you do. well, i had one of those nights this weekend. it was possibly the longest night of my life (only competing with thanksgiving a few years ago where my whole family got sick and took turns throwing up all night...that was fun).

so my good friend jill and i were in st. george this weekend, just the two of us. we went into a wifi cafe on saturday morning to browse the internet and these two twenty-something guys came and sat down at our table. for reasons i can't explain, they just gave me the heebie jeebies. i felt really uneasy about them. so after they started questioning us about our names, where we were staying, what we were doing here, i wanted to high-tail it out of there and we left. i didn't give them a second thought. until bedtime, that is. never mind that my furnace makes noises at night or that our vacation house is old and creaky, those two guys were on my roof. i was absolutely 100% positive. so i got up and locked the bedroom door. but, wait. what if while we were being really loud and dancing around, they had snuck in the front door and hidden in the closet? i kicked myself inside for being so foolish and loud. what were we thinking? i crept back into bed (where jill was LONG asleep), but decided to double check to see if the front door was locked. better be safe than sorry. in the kitchen, i heard the ticking noise and my heart stopped. a bomb. not only had these two men followed us home and snuck in while we weren't noticing, but dang it, they had gone to the trouble of blowing us up, too. well, there seemed to be nothing else to do. i tiptoed back into bed and honestly (i swear i am not making this up)...i wondered if it would hurt to be blown to smithereens. i was even sweating a little. my knuckles were white from gripping the covers. all this while jill slept like a baby. for three hours, i laid in bed. i hyperventilated. i tried to be as quite as i could. i wondered how long it would take for it to happen. i had taken delusional to a whole new level.

guess what? i woke up the next morning. it was the clock.