i've loved these days

what a dramatic day.

i've been pushing back thoughts of saying goodbye to my kids to the back of my mind. it was assumed that we would teach our kids on friday then pack up and leave this weekend. we were planning a big party, and i was going to make cards for all 30 of my kids. on wednesday, i got a really bad cold and slept for less than an hour that night. you know when you're sick and you spend most of the night in semi-consciousness, having weird hallucinations? i really thought all my kids were coming into my room in the middle of the night to get my autograph and i was so confused as to why they needed my autograph NOW?! well i stumbled into the cafeteria thursday morning, half awake when two of the teachers brought me to my senses. "have you heard? there's no school tomorrow! our last day of teaching is TODAY!"
dang it, i wasn't ready for this. mentally, i didn't think i was prepared to say goodbye. i was supposed to have one more day with my kids! so the rest of the day was spent running around, getting pizza, drinks, candy and toothbrushes for our kids (ironic, but the kids love them) and trying to prepare games. plus, i had an english enrichment class to teach, which is just something on the side we do a few times a week. i only teach these kids once a week for 40 minutes and i hobbled out of the room with 30 sobbing 7 year olds attached to my legs.

i barely got everything done that i needed to (including throwing together somewhat lame cards for my kids) in time for class. i can't even express to you how much these kids mean to me. i found out from one of the chinese teachers that most of the kids are here as a result of divorce and neither of the parents wanting to take them. most kids see their parents once a year. so i can't help but feel like we've kind of been their mother figures (my kids sometimes refer to me as "mommy".) the whole day was great and the kids were probably a little confused when we brought them pizza and aubrey started tearing up. at the end, we got them all together and tried to gesture that we were going home and that we would miss them very much.

"OKAY! GOO-BYE!" and they went right back to playing with the toys we'd given them. a few seconds later, robert- suave, cool little robert, who never acted like he cared- looked at us with a painful, confused expression and started wimpering. then he started wailing. then one by one, all 30 kids got it and started crying. and then we started crying. and then everyone was just crying and falling apart. i'll never forget robert climbing in my lap, kissing my cheek and saying between compulsive sobs "i...i...love you, miss meetchel." i know there have been days where i have wanted to put them all on a rocket with a one way ticket to pluto, but when it comes down to it, these kids make me happy and i've grown to LOVE them. their teachers finally had to come in and pick kids up off the floor. when they left, it hit me that they would grow up and i would never see them again.

and then i suffered a bout of jealous rage that some other girls would come next semester and steal their hearts from me. but they're MY kids! MINE! i was outraged before i calmed down and realized how irrational i was being, but i think i had a little bit of a glimpse of how a mother feels about her kids. (and to be honest, i still have selfish little thoughts about my kids. hey, i'm not perfect!)

because it ended so sad, a few of us decided to sneak into their dormitory and surprise them when they came in for bed. we tucked them in and snuggled with them till we were kicked out. i think that's been my single best memory in china: tucking my kids in bed and kissing them goodnight. we were all joking around and having fun and it wasn't sad at all. my food stash started with a cherry. frank gave me his cherry for a "present" and then all of a sudden, every kid was reaching under their bed for their small food stash to give me something. yogurt, fruit boxes, peaches, apples. the food was burying me and just in the nick of time, little danny appeared with a bag for me to put it in. it was such a happy goodbye. who can ever say that goodbyes are good? what a poorly named term. but this really was a good goodbye. it still breaks my heart that it's over. i just finished cleaning my classroom and had to take a minute to look at it and remember all the shenanigans that went on in there. my time in china has meant more than can be understood. i've learned a lot and have made lifelong friendships.

so tonight is our last night all together. we're all packed up and ready to go. tonight, we're going to the best gourmet donut shop known to man for a last hurrah and then everyone is going their separate ways. up next: kindra's and my adventure down south!