i DON'T get by with a little help from suzanne collins

*spoiler alert*

warning: DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU HAVEN'T READ "MOCKINGJAY" YET!

(don't say i didn't warn you....)

ok, i don't even know where to start with this book. i jumped on the hunger games bandwagon pretty late, but i've still had a good six months to get excited for mockingjay, formulate theories, created opinions on certain people, etc. well, ok, i guess it's not surprising that my expectations exceeded the reality of the book. (i ALWAYS do that. how can i not have high expectations after the first and second?) and it's not that my theories weren't correct or anything, it's just the way suzanne collins went about the third book. i have so many thoughts on this, i can't even keep them straight. here's why i was really disappointed....

-first and foremost....the love triangle. it totally takes a backseat in the third book and if there is a book for the love triangle to take a backseat, it's NOT the last! i really wish kat would have ended up with gale, and i know that opinion is purely emotional instead of logical. (for the record, i understand that collins wrote everything the way she did on purpose and that it's supposed to be realistic instead of optimistic and fairy-tale rainbows la la la. i'll get to more of that later.) so i keep trying to come up with how she could have ended up with gale in these circumstances and i have to begrudgingly admit that it's more realistic for her to be with peeta. but really? the bomb? i am thoroughly convinced kat would have been with gale if the bomb had never been dropped. it was an easy way out of the love triangle. make it easy to pick without killing someone off. but even then, kat didn't pick. gale left and she just kind of ended up with peeta because he was there. i hoped she would have made a decision earlier on in the book, but by the second to last page, you're still wondering what is going on. one page, she's saying how she longs for gale and wonders if he's kissing other lips. the next page, in the VERY LAST paragraph, she decides she loves peeta. where did that come from? a little explanation, katniss? or should i say...suzanne? ARE YOU READING THIS, SUZANNE??? ARE YOU HEARING ME?! it was confusing and muddled. it was just a let down because for the whole two books before, you are wondering, hoping, praying, that she'll be with the one you want, which will be a profound part of the book and that you'll be able to see the fruits of her decision! but you don't get any of that. (well, the fruits of her decision is that peeta begs her to have childrem she never wanted to have for fifteen years until she finally gives in. and they live a miserable life together {so it is implied.}) it really isn't a big part of the book at all. which is a let down mainly because you were lead to believe otherwise. and can we get to the heart of the problem? the heart of why i am so sad? because kat and gale's departure is so unceremonious and anti-climactic that i didn't realize it was their last meeting until the book was over. wait, what? gale? her best friend in the entire world? her other half since they were young and scared and fatherless? the one she went hunting with and grew up with and told all her secrets to? the one who she declared in catching fire belongs to her and she to him and it can't be any other way? the one she got teary-eyed over when she thought he was going to die? (did you notice her only thoughts about killing peeta was that he was a burden? ok, ok, so he wasn't really himself, but still...) he goes off to some glamorous job in district two, which i cannot picture because he is not a glamorous boy, but a simple hunter. and they never see each other again. peeta=miserable life with children in district twelve that makes me so depressed i can't even stand it. gale=the man with whom she shares a fire, and with whom i imagined helping build panem together into a place that he is passionate about and that she doesn't have to see anyone innocent die. but no. they just kind of....meander out of each other's lives without you even realizing it. gale is such a freaking warrior that i don't doubt he's out there re-building panem (his passion makes me woozy) and typically being a champion.

-none of the deaths serve a purpose. at all. whatsoever! prim was the reason kat entered the hunger games and ends up dead anyway. they all died so unceremoniously. finnick! (not only did he leave annie alone, but crazy, too.) prim! boggs! they all die for no reason. which makes me mad, because i instantly blame lazy writing. cheap shockers. they get old.

-the end was totally....anti-climactic. (have you noticed that's my key word for the whole book?) the only thing kat really did that was impressive was shooting coin. she kind of just was walking through the streets, then a bomb blew up, she woke up, killed coin instead of snow, went back to sleep, woke up again, didn't even go to her own trial, went back to sleep, tried to kill herself....went back to distric 12, with nothing. NOTHING. i mean, is it too much to hope for some epic final battle? i personally imagined kat coming into herself and leading a heroic rebellion with gale. i guess war is not glamorous, though and that's the ENTIRE message of this book. no character development, no good plot, even. all you are left with is a bunch of sorry excuses for people and the thought "war is bad." which i get is what collins was trying to do. but...come on! not everyone is going to be happy, happy, happy, of course. but a little friendship? a little glimmer of hope? a little bit of mankind's redeeming qualities? life isn't always happy, can't we get a little relief in our favorite fictional books? not one person in this book is happy in the end! i just think that the first two books are uplifting and lead you on to believe that there will be hope and love and triumph in the end. but the third book says "no. there will be no hope and love and triumph. because that is how war is." i guess that's some peoples cup of tea...but not mine!

-there is no transcendence. i really was hoping (and expecting) that kat would come out of this LIFE CHANGING trial with a sense of self and as a stronger, deeper person. and that's really the only reason i was able to bear how SAD the whole book was. i kept thinking "it has to get worse before it gets better." but...it only got worse. whatever the opposite of transcendence is...happened. it spiraled downhill until everyone was left a shell of who they used to be. the summary of the end is: "i tried to kill myself. i sleep away my problems. my mom is gone, so greasy sae makes me soup. haymitch spends the rest of his life smashed past the point of pity. i wonder where gale is? who's he kissing? peeta finds me. we eventually get back together. we are sad. peeta forces me to have children. we are sad. life goes on. i guess. how sad." and what about panem? the whole book is about re-creating panem. so was it remade? i don't know, collins, you tell me.

-collins doesn't exactly make you want to be on anyone's side. you're not rooting for the capitol. you're not rooting for the rebels. you're not rooting for gale, who is portrayed as a heartless, cold killer, which i think is kind of contradictory to the past two books. you're not rooting for peeta, who is not the peeta we love, but crazy peeta. i feel like collins made out everyone to be the bad guy.

in suzanne collins defense and everyone else who disagrees with me: this is how it would end if it were real life. it's what people become from war. i just walked away from the book feeling really depressed and uninspired, which is a sad way to look at your last mental image of a good book.

basically, i thought it was a really great trilogy with a really bad ending. i'm trying to be at peace with it because i cannot stand to have bitter feelings toward the hunger games. hey, it's transcendence in progress.

a word on words

something that i always think about and can never figure out the answer to is how did the english language (or any language) come about? did all the cavemen have a big meeting about what to call different things? if so, then how did they convey the need for a meeting without words? or did one person just decide on some words? how did it catch on? how did we even decide on one word for a certain thing and how did we come up with words for for things you can't show, like "love"? how did letters and words and complicated languages come about?

one more thing...who came up with the word "lanyard"? of every word in the english language that doesn't sound like what it is, "lanyard" is the worst. when i hear that word, i don't think of a sort of necklace that holds your keys. i think of a grand, sophisticated patio that overlooks cape cod. (i.e. "pat, darling, why don't we go open a bottle of champagne on the lanyard?")

maybe i'll buy a house one day in cape cod with a beautiful lanyard.

a post about Harry Potter

if there is anything i love in this world more than eating costco samples for lunch (which i love a lot) it's Harry Potter. as a preface to this post, i would like to point out that i never-EVER- use caps while blogging ("don't be lazy!" says my dad) except for Things Associated With Harry Potter. because Things Associated With Harry Potter are to be treated with the utmost respect and deserve to be given a little more attention than topics in small caps. i am one of the faithful followers from the beginning. i comforted Harry when his loyal Nimbus Two Thousands was smashed to smithereens. i was under his Invisibility Cloak during all those late nights wandering around the castle, holding my breath in hopes that we weren't caught by Snape or Mrs. Norris. i cried with Harry during the wee hours of the morning over the loss of our friends. we grew up together! me and Harry, Harry and me! there's so much attachment to Harry Potter in me that my mind gets all tangled up when i try to explain it. i'm sure i could talk about Harry Potter for hours and hours and hours, but i'll stick to a few thoughts.

-every time a new book came out, there was dispute about who got to read it first amongst the kids and every time, i won. i suspect if any of us kids have a falling out with each other, it'll be over who loves Harry Potter more. ("well, can you tell me what Uncle Vernon chortles on page 11 of Sorcerer's Stone when Dudley throws his cereal against the wall? didn't think so.")

-i truly, honestly didn't know what to do with myself for a few days after i finished the seventh book. i walked around with an empty, hollow pit in my stomach and heart. "you can read them again!" someone dumbly pointed out to me. "it's not the same!" i wailed. i felt so alone. i thought i must have had the dementor's kiss. what was there to live for? (now i realize that lots of people probably felt the same way, but i still felt alone.) it was just a sad week. i still get a lump in my throat just thinking that it's over.

-my mom sometimes tells us that we need to widen our variety of books. "read something else for a change!" she can't comprehend that we've read each book multiple times. i can't comprehend that she hasn't.

-Albus Dumbledore is a greater person than you or i could ever hope to be. i have never felt prouder of somebody than our twinkly-eyed, crooked nose, all-knowing Dumbledore.

-my friend and i have spent countless hours in the library (with our anatomy homework pushed aside) having deep and philosophical discussions about Harry Potter instead. we've truly come up with a belief that there is a wizarding world. J.K. Rowling is a witch who decided to write a book (a biography, really) about Harry Potter and their world. of course it's too fantastic to beleive so no muggle would ever actually take it seriously. (however, i imagine this was a serious controversy within the Ministry of Magic.) but we know the truth. we get it. for christmas, my friend gave me a "Dumbledore's Army" shirt and one of our own set of two way mirrors, like Harry and Sirius's.

-i would never have any reason to complain if i were a Weasley. who does not want to be a part of the Weasley family? funny and loud and endearingly brave. no, scratch that. if i were a Weasley, then i couldn't marry a Weasley. correction: i would never have any reason to complain if i married into the Weasley family.

so if one day, i just up and disappear, don't be surprised to see me waving happily in the Daily Prophet as Mrs. George Weasley, mother of five beautiful red-headed wizards, best friend of Harry Potter, and Hogwart's new professor of Muggle Studies. i belong there, dang it.

P.S. happy birthday harry :)

let's rock, let's rock, let's rock today

my dad just bought a new motorcycle.

which means that i basically inherited his old nissan altima. so i am proud to say that i learned to drive that blasted stick shift. granted, i can't really drive with the AC on because it makes it gutless, but it's a car to take up to school, so i'll take it! actually, i think it's kind of nice compared to lyle. i have a thing for old junkers. they have more character than newer, nicer cars (although i wouldn't say no to a mercedes g-wagon....). well, the heart of this blog post is that i can't drive a nameless car, so the fam came up with some ideas for a name. the contenders were:

dr. leo marvin- crossed it out because dr. leo marvin wouldn't drive an old altima. he might drive, say, that g-wagon...but not an old altima. maybe a new altima....but not an old altima.

bob- seems like a pretty standard name, but then when i introduce it, i'd have to add that it's not just any bob, but bob wiley. anyway, bob's too mundane a name.

larry- you know, nerdy asian larry from "school of rock." then again, i'd have to explain that to people and i don't even know larry's last name, so i'd have to say something like "come on, larry from 'school of rock'" and then i'd have to show them the "let's rock, let's rock, let's rock today" handshake.

ned shneebly- doesn't roll off the tongue.

and then...my brother, who is on a mission, gave us the inspiration in an email.

dewey finn. the altima is dewey finn. not cool and slick, kind of fat, a loser on every level. so if you see me driving my little altima around, give a little moment of silence for dewey finn, because i can't think of a better person to give tribute to.

oh, and if you don't know who dewey finn is...go watch "school of rock" and hope that you are forgiven for your ignorance.

manipulating the system

if you are ever in a state of powerlessness and helplessness, i have a remedy for you that will make you feel like the merciless, all powerful being that you, dear reader, are.

when i'm in my car at a stop light and the opportunity arises (i.e. the person in the car behind me is fully stopped and not preoccupied), i ever-so-slightly inch the car forward about a foot to see if the car behind me will do the same, peek in the rearview mirror...

...and watch the car inch forward a little. and then, the car behind that one inches forward a little. and then the car behind that one...you get the gist. the thing is, the people behind you don't know they are part of the plan or that they are being influenced.

{insert cruella deville laugh here.}

farbeit from me to boast of myself...but i think i've just manipulated the system. it works 99 out of 100 times. do i sound weird? i'm really not that weird.

the only rule to this little game is that you cannot UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES be manipulated into inching forward a little when the car in front of you does so. no matter how strong the urge. think of it as improving your self control. who knows? maybe the person in front of you is trying to manipulate the system and no system will be manipulated under my watch (unless i am the manipulater). this is where the feeling of power comes into effect.

feel free to try this at home.

dell griffith, overpriced water, & barbie and ken

WHEW! i'm finally home and never thought i'd see the day. it feels like i've been gone for so long, but things seem exactly the same. although joseph and mom have braces, emma has headgear, and jacob has a more social life than me....i can't have that. my vacation was OVER THE TOP ADVENTUROUS! mud caving, rock climbing, hiking into obscure villages, bike riding. there may have been times where 20 year old judgement lacked, but i don't regret a single moment of it! we also did china really cheap...we stayed in hostels that barely made a dent in our dwindling accounts and i've learned that bartering won't get you very far without a little flirtation.

speaking of hostels, i had a little roommate situation that could be construed as funny.....although at the time, was anything but.

in yangshuo, we stayed in the "showbiz inn" which sleeps six people per room. i guess for every three roommates, your bound to get one weird roommate. enter creepy australian fellow. atleast sixty years old. eager to socialize with the rest of the twenty something year olds who populate yangshuo. he kept asking me where i was going and who i was going with and what there was to do around town. yes, i was a little creeped out by him and when you're traveling with one other girl, you can't be too safe. i was a bit elusive and when i returned later that day, found him playing pool by himself on the roof. a little bit later, he was trying to talk to some women in the lobby. later, reading a book by himself in the bed. who does he remind me of? i kept thinking about it all day long and it didn't occur to me until a few days later that he is dell griffith from trains, planes, and automobiles! you know, traveling alone, he just wants to find a friend, but he's just kind of a burden and he knows it. no one really wanted to do anything with him. i felt kind of bad for him, but that didn't stop me from waiting in the lobby for the rest of my roommates to turn in for the night. you know the age-old saying, "we girls gotta stick together when there are weird, too-much-leg-baring, teva-and-socks-wearing old men in the bed right next to mine." one night, kindra was asleep, the other roommates were partying the night away, and i was CLEARLY, VISIBLY awake and reading in my bed. maybe he forgot there was a bathroom in the room, maybe he was too lazy to make the effort to change there, but all of a sudden, his pants were off, showing me more old man, white australian bum than i'd bargained for.

alright. any chance of me inviting him on a bike ride went down the drain. i suddenly longed to be in a flaming car with original dell than in this too small room with naked phony dell.

another character worth mentioning is my "sleeping tiger" friend. we hiked this hill called "moon hill", which is less of a hike and more of a climb up 800 steep steps. at the bottom of our hike was this old woman, for sure somewhere in her eighties and probably half my height and weight. she asked if we would buy her water and upon hearing "no, i have some, thanks", she brought out a winnie the pooh fan, pointed to the top, said "go!", and followed us the whole way up. every time we stopped to catch our breath (which was pretty often), she would pounce on us with the fan and fan us till we were ready to go. she would also point to my mosquito bites and say "MOS-EE-QUITO! no good...no good!" i think she must have been bitten by a radioactive spider to give her superhuman endurance because she could have run up and down those stupid steps five times before i could make it up once. crazy lady. well, of course, at the top, i had to buy a bunch of her overpriced water. oh yeah, the reason i call her my "sleeping tiger" friend is that she kept pointing to this mountain saying "sleeping tiger" while pretending she was sleeping and then popping her eyes open and saying "RAWR!" while turning her fingers into claws. i'll miss you, crazy superhuman grandma.

i have to say that i could not have been more welcomed back into the states by anything more than TOY STORY 3. so good! maybe my favorite of the trilogy. there was not a minute where i was not laughing hysterically. best characters....barbie and ken. by far. pixar has outdone themselves again. geniuses. i want to send those people a bouquet of roses.

i bought the whole series of "lost" for under $30 in china and my siblings and i are on a "lost" binge, so i gotta go. what's that? hermit on a friday night? can't talk. have to go help desmond save the world. DESMOND!! AHH!!

the creature

it's really late at night here and i can't fall asleep; i've always been an insomniac- i blame my night thoughts. i always seem to solve the mysteries of the universe at night when i'm laying in my bed and should be sleeping. and there's a lot to think about right now. everyone that i've spent the last 3 months with is going home tomorrow and i'm just remembering all the crazy stuff we did together. but i'm not going to blog about my sad feelings right now. i'm going to blog about the creature.

what is the creature, you may ask? remember when i tried to dye my bangs purple and they turned out bright orange? the given name of the bright orange streak (courtesy of kindra) is the creature. when i went to a more credible salon and got it fixed, i didn't realize that it could only be fixed as bangs in china can be fixed, and lo and behold, the creature came back the very next day (no, wait....it was the cat that came back the very next day.) well, the creature came back a few weeks later, albeit not as bright and creature-ish.

but you'd have to know my hair to know why the creature is so ridiculous. think of the movie heidi...that is my natural hair without the frizz. so one day right after the c-word incident, i was straightening my hair, and right in the middle of it, the power went out. and the water was turned off that whole week, too. so i couldn't shower. i couldn't finish my hair. i had a newly nested creature in my hair. i had to walk around with half of my hair pin straight and the other half curling and frizzing in every direction it was able. my new motto is: a tamed creature is better than a frizzy creature.

one day the creature actually looked kind of cool. it was just last week when we were invited to a chinese wedding. i thought i would shake things up a bit and braid my bangs back. i walked outside and kindra exlaimed "rachael...today is a good creature day!"

you could say i'm somewhat of a fashion plate in china. it seems to be that the trend for girls here is to creature their whole head. their whole head! can you imagine?! all you have to do is take a dark brown/black head of hair and apply permanent, cheap bleach in it. i have so many issues concerning this. isn't one creature bad enough? should that be legal? how can you tame so many of them?

so even though i am killing the creature in infamy right when i get back to the land of sensible hair cuts, colors, and salons, i'm a little bit sad because the end of the creature signifies the end of china. we've been through so much together. i guess all creatures must come to an end. goodbye, creature. goodbye, china.

p.s. are you surprised that i just wrote that much about a streak of color in my hair? me too.